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the-woodpecker.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ways_back_room2004-07-29 02:16 am
the-woodpecker.livejournal.com) wrote in ways_back_room2004-07-29 02:16 am
In which Bernard and Ophelia become the Milliways Ambiguously Polysexual Duo
Our saga begins with Bernard descending the guest stairs with Fleur in his arms, and moving them to the staff quarters. He leaves a note on the board and goes back to his room. He's not pleased.
Ophelia finds Bernard and Fleur. Bernard tells Ophelia about Jay's unwelcome overtures. They begin to plot revenge, but are sidetracked when the conversation turns serious. Bernard and Ophelia admit their love for Fleur, and Ophelia opens up to Bernard about her insecurities regarding Hamlet. Bernard sympathizes and offers his support. They briefly create a tableau of comfort and woe.
Bernard turns the conversation back to revenge. The talk turns gleeful and malevolent. They join forces and Ophelia gives Bernard his own flower. They retire to the bar in style.
They emerge, and Bernard slips behind the bar, ordering dynamite gleefully. He's a little cracked. So's Ophelia. The prospect of violence gets them both a little revved, and it all gets rather explicitly sexual.
Meanwhile, Constantine drops by the bar and introduces himself, asking about the dynamite's purpose. Bernard and Ophelia enlighten him. Ophelia also enlightens him as to Jamee's true identity.
In another space-time continuum, Jack Sparrow makes a bit of conversation with Bernard over rum. They bond over being outlaws.
And in yet another, Nitz finally gets some basic info about the bar, poor sod.
Each of these conversations is interrupted by the arrival of Jay and Silent Bob. Bernard and Ophelia immediately swoop in like the maniacs they are. Jay and Bob don't know what's about to hit them till it does. Jay is repeatedly defiant, and Bernard and Ophelia are increasingly insane. Bob is terrified and mostly stays out of the way and is sensible. When Jay realizes that both are defending their girlfriend, he gets salacious, which makes them both lose their collective shit.
Bernard has lit the dynamite. Ophelia has made a cage of thorns around Jay's jugular and genitals. They have odd moments of collective thought. It's all rather explicitly homicidal. Jay resists, but finally gives in in the funniest way possible. Bernard pulls a badass move and yanks out the fuse with his teeth without flinching. Ophelia is menacing. Jay and Silent Bob flee. Bernard is satisfied.
Bernard returns to the bar briefly, where he realizes his tongue is burnt. Nitz is there again, and offers a burn remedy. Dionysus introduces himself, and sends Bernard to bed. Before leaving, Bernard gets drinks for George.
Once in his room, Bernard is finally able to relax a bit, and contemplate what just happened. He goes to bed, secure in the fact that he does love Fleur, and she loves him, no matter what the fuck "P'tit chou" means.
Ophelia finds Bernard and Fleur. Bernard tells Ophelia about Jay's unwelcome overtures. They begin to plot revenge, but are sidetracked when the conversation turns serious. Bernard and Ophelia admit their love for Fleur, and Ophelia opens up to Bernard about her insecurities regarding Hamlet. Bernard sympathizes and offers his support. They briefly create a tableau of comfort and woe.
Bernard turns the conversation back to revenge. The talk turns gleeful and malevolent. They join forces and Ophelia gives Bernard his own flower. They retire to the bar in style.
They emerge, and Bernard slips behind the bar, ordering dynamite gleefully. He's a little cracked. So's Ophelia. The prospect of violence gets them both a little revved, and it all gets rather explicitly sexual.
Meanwhile, Constantine drops by the bar and introduces himself, asking about the dynamite's purpose. Bernard and Ophelia enlighten him. Ophelia also enlightens him as to Jamee's true identity.
In another space-time continuum, Jack Sparrow makes a bit of conversation with Bernard over rum. They bond over being outlaws.
And in yet another, Nitz finally gets some basic info about the bar, poor sod.
Each of these conversations is interrupted by the arrival of Jay and Silent Bob. Bernard and Ophelia immediately swoop in like the maniacs they are. Jay and Bob don't know what's about to hit them till it does. Jay is repeatedly defiant, and Bernard and Ophelia are increasingly insane. Bob is terrified and mostly stays out of the way and is sensible. When Jay realizes that both are defending their girlfriend, he gets salacious, which makes them both lose their collective shit.
Bernard has lit the dynamite. Ophelia has made a cage of thorns around Jay's jugular and genitals. They have odd moments of collective thought. It's all rather explicitly homicidal. Jay resists, but finally gives in in the funniest way possible. Bernard pulls a badass move and yanks out the fuse with his teeth without flinching. Ophelia is menacing. Jay and Silent Bob flee. Bernard is satisfied.
Bernard returns to the bar briefly, where he realizes his tongue is burnt. Nitz is there again, and offers a burn remedy. Dionysus introduces himself, and sends Bernard to bed. Before leaving, Bernard gets drinks for George.
Once in his room, Bernard is finally able to relax a bit, and contemplate what just happened. He goes to bed, secure in the fact that he does love Fleur, and she loves him, no matter what the fuck "P'tit chou" means.
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;)
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Anyway, this plot cracked me up laughing, because I can just see all of this happening. Kudos to you!
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And, yay! Someone else who has read it! :X
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And Bernard actually loves Fleur! The cuteness! And the boyfriend and girlfriend teamed up and get along! *flails in joy at all the chaos*
Exclamation point! Very good show, both of you!
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Are you around tonight? If not, what should I god you as doing?
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Yeah, Bernard does love her. It's not some tragic, life-changing passion, but it's love. I figured, why not? He's a loving sort of guy.