Daily Entertainment.

[muji]

Inspired by foozled_up:

Everyone remember Oregon Trail? No? Go refresh your memory then come back. Okay, ready?

Tell me about your pup's Oregon Trail party, and what happens to them. Can anyone catch those damn squirrels? WHO DIES OF SYPHILLIS THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

Comments

[sdelmonte]

I honestly never heard of this game, and I am old enough to have been there the first time around.

But since my party is lead by James T. Kirk, as long as no one wears red or invites Guy Fleegman, everyone is fine. :)

[muji]

You are unfamiliar with it probably because you weren't in elementary school in the late eighties? There is an online version, if you ever want to kill off a few brain cells.

[cassildra.livejournal.com]

I DEMAND A LINK

please and thank you!

[buongiornodaisy.livejournal.com]

OHMIGOSH STEPH this reminds me Mom and I were driving around the other day on 495 and we got behind this Metrobus with a very disturbing ad on the back. It had a picture of rumpled underwears with the text "Got Syphillis"?

Mom made a ...wtfbbq face, and I died.

[muji]

Ohhh, Metrobus. <3

[buongiornodaisy.livejournal.com]

I knoww! Now that I am in Baltimore I shall see even less of them. ;_;

[muji]

Baltimore's conception of mass transit *is* pretty...yeah.

[imthegoodguy.livejournal.com]

"lolwut"?

[muji]

Something like that.

[newredshoes]

Oh man, the CTA used to have huge signs on the back of its buses that said "Syphillis is back!" It's the new black?

I also liked it when they would juxtapose the ads for STDs and unplanned pregnancies with the "I Got It At NLU" ads for National-Louis University. Oops.

[timjr.livejournal.com]

Dude, why would anyone want to shoot the squirrels? They are a waste of bullets! You go for the large animals!

[muji]

If I'm remembering correctly, if you only shoot the large animals, eventually they stop coming onscreen to shoot.

[mysideyourside.livejournal.com]

Huh. I've never had food problems in any of my games. But I usually play the easy ways...

[shati.livejournal.com]

And only one or two per hunting trip (BUFFALO), because you can only carry 200 pounds!

[timjr.livejournal.com]

Exactly!

[newredshoes]

I never played it on a computer, but we did play a cards-and-poster-and-pushpins version in my MG class in fourth grade. Everyone decided to take the shortcut across the salt flats and died. It was kind of a letdown. Our teacher wouldn't let us start over or play again either. We were pissed -- we had gotten really invested!

Oog. Steph, I feel gross and don't want to go to work.

[muji]

*pairbonds* I am honest-to-God shocked I crawled out of bed today, and I only fucking came back to work yesterday this week.

[newredshoes]

Okay, to distract us both: tell me if I am crazy. (I can't decide if fandom or Milliways has made me ponder this question.) Kate Winslet: awesome genderswapped Jensen Ackles?

[muji]

1. The second picture didn't work.
2. There are distinct possibilities! It's the nose.

[newredshoes]

...wow, that is really dark. Um. Sorry for the no Photoshop help or anything.

[muji]

There it goes with the picture! I think yes.

[newredshoes]

And the cheekbones.

I may have to do a picspam or something this weekend. It will cheer me up.

Also, HOLY CRAP Pterry!Death-Sewer slugs is KILLING ME WITH AWESOME.

[muji]

I approve of picspams in general. Go forth!

[will_scarlett]

Now I know who to use if Demeter ever decides to look like a man.

[spiderine.livejournal.com]

Two words: Donner Party *John picks gristle from his teeth*

[muji]

:O! Ned: *pointedly does not touch anyone*

[cassildra.livejournal.com]

haha, that's horrible yet so realistic.

[bodldops.livejournal.com]

Ace's party practically lives on squirrels.

They also arrived in Oregon five days before they set off, but that's 'cause dust got in the rotor.

>.>

[agoodshinkickin.livejournal.com]

I...I honestly have no idea.
Though, the plot bunny of replacing the "bonnet scene" from Firefly with April, Mike and Raph makes me laugh.

[cassildra.livejournal.com]

I can totally picture this, and I am kind of hating you for it while ROFFLING

[agonistes]

Yeeeeah, I'm thinking Al Swearengen and Kaylee are both dead of the syph somewhere around western Nebraska. Al probably makes it a little longer, though.

[aberration]

Elle would probably be useful for catching squirrels and cooking them!



...until she blew up the wagon train while playing with gun powder.

[misslucyjane]

Ianto refuses to go to Oregon! They don't have coffee there!

Jack Green would Johnny-Appleseed his way along.

You know, I never played this when it was first out, even though we had a computer and other text games. Which I could never figure out. Woe.

[pheliskougra]

*LOL* I played the online version. EVERY member of the party fell under and broke an arm... then died of severe diarrhea!

1096 miles traveled. Next time, bring more food too...

[moriendi.livejournal.com]

For those that have never played Oregon Trail: This (http://www.thuletrail.com/) is some modern flash version of the game.

And another one here (http://www.globalgamenetwork.com/westward_trail.html) that's called the Westward Trail.

[ceitfianna]

I loved that game, one of my best friends had it on her family computer. I will play it later, so cool.

[nothawkingbird.livejournal.com]

I was in grade school in the late eighties, but I don't remember playing this at all. LOGO yes, Where in the World (and USA) is Carmen Sandiego, yes. But not this.

Shame, looked like it was fun. Guess they just didn't get it in grade schools in South Jersey.

Kate obviously would be good at catching squirrels. Yay for marksmanship.

Nathan? with his weakness for blondes? Helloooo syphillis!

Draco? Probably either syphillis, or get killed or eaten just so he'd stop whining so damn much. Either that or he'd poison some of the party with his potions to get ahead.

Johnny? Trying to caution people on things along the way since having a psychic is so handy for that.

[wheelsy_sheriff]

I can't even tell you how much this question amuses me. XD

So, the party would be Bill Pardy, Wolverine, Hellboy, Puss in Boots, the Tick and their western guide Billy the Kid.

They would all head out early and leave something shiny to distract the Tick with to keep him from coming along and he'd forever spend his days in St. Louis fighting crime and talking to horses.

Logan would take a look at the wagon, at the other four going and say, "Screw it, I'm takin' the shortcut."

He would then head straight across the country having adventures involving bears, French fur trappers and an Indian Princess or three.

The other four would set out to the great West.

At some point Bill would fall out of the wagon, break his arm and be taken hostage by Indians. He's so affable though instead of scalping him they'd set his arm, give him a puff on the peace pipe and set out to reunite him with his party.

While Bill and the Indians are catching up Hellboy, Puss and Billy make their way across the plains.

When a wagon wheel breaks (like it always fricken did whenever I played) Puss would stand by the roadside with kitty eyes, stop another party and Billy would rob them blind.

Setting out again Red's appetite would soon deplete all the food stores and they'd be down to hunting. Billy would have no problem shooting them something but he'd find it far more amusing to watch Red blow away squirrels with the Samaritan, then resort to chucking rocks at the things.

Eventually Red would get mad, throw the nearest heavy thing at Billy which would be one of the oxen, and Puss would step in and catch them dinner.

Down an ox and with hundreds of miles to go they'd all be stuck until Bill comes along to save the day. Stoned out of his mind he brings Indians and horses!

The Indians make the wise decision to get them moving, AND OFF THEIR LAND, and help with horses and more food.

On the road again Puss sing songs, Red punches an Elk in the nose and they eat well, and Bill falls off the wagon a couple more times and has a run in with a rattlesnake that ends with a very awkward poison sucking session with him and Billy and both of them wind up boozed to the gills to get over it.

Whenever they finally arrive in Oregon they're trail worn, half starved and on foot.

Logan is in the first saloon at the edge of town starting bar fights and on a first name basis with all the women.

*G*

[loyaltyinmotion.livejournal.com]

*Simply dies* That's so brilliant, even my husband laughed! Well done!

[genarti]

This wins. *laughing*

[scurlock]

AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Dammit, Billy, now don't you go gettin' into a fight with Logan.

[sardonicynic]

Oh my god.

*is dead from the laugh*

[will_scarlett]

I just found a downloadable version of the old game here.

[muji]

*GASP* OH MY GOD MY HERO

[genarti]

So my party is all my characters? Um, so... River, Lan, Piotr, and Honey. (Regan would stay on the East Coast, thank you ever so.)

Lan does the hunting. River probably chips in. (They can both catch the squirrels.) But if they shot a bison, Piotr could carry it! Unlike in the game where you have to leave most of the thing behind, which always frustrated me.

Honey whines about cake the entire way, and probably defects really early on. That's even assuming one could get him in the wagon without Mori along, though. Either way, I suspect Honey gets about one or two days down the trail at most, and then flees for civilization and sugar again, and no one misses him.

River might die of craziness typhoid, though. :-/ That is a long trek to make without any meds. Maybe she just ends up huddled in the wagon muttering to herself for most of the journey. And pulling the labels off cans and things.

Piotr... helps pull the wagon when the oxen die?

[scurlock]

My party would be Doc, Dan Evans, Han Solo, Athos, and Diego.

Let's just say that both Doc and Dan are obviously at an advantage since you know, they're from the time period. They'd take care of the wagon and the stock and keep the damn wagon from flipping in the river, etc.

Han would be in charge of shooting things. Naturally. Plus, when you blast the squirrels, it's already cooked and parasite free!

Athos would be most likely to catch anything, but he's not about to sleep with any of the rest of the party so he should be okay. Unless there are wenches along the route.

Diego...well now, that would just be interesting.

[cassildra.livejournal.com]

Considering that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a god, and that Natalie wouldn't ever GO to Oregon (she'd be a content saloon girl in St. Louis, thank you very much)...

Faye's party would consist of her canon-mates Marten, Dora, Raven, Sven, and Hannelore.

Hannelore would die in the first five days of OMG DUST BUNNIES, or the first time someone got a cut. Sven would die of The Syphilis within a month, gained from a sexy Indian princess on the trail. He would not pass this on to Faye, because it's hard to get your bone on in a covered wagon. Dora would do most of the hunting once food ran out, because she's the most vicious of the bunch. Raven would do the cooking, and be surprisingly good at it! But she'd fall and break her leg over by the Rocky Mountains, and die of gangrene. This means that Marten would have to cook, and everyone except Marty would end up in Oregon sicker than hell, half-starved, and weak from typhoid fever. They'd all recover, and there would be a happy little QC threesome on the West Coast. Oh, and Faye would meet Angus in Oregon, and there would be sexy orgies every night.

My version of QC is a bit more deviant than the original, it seems.

[jothra]

Oh boy.

Okay, the party is Duo, Coyote, Elda, and Charlotte.

They save money by buying fewer oxen, because Elda either sets up an oxen illusion or pulls it herself half the time. They make up the cost with piles of food, which even so they must quickly supplement with hunting. Coyote doesn't help, even though she can catch the squirrels. That's okay, because Elda can.

Duo and Charlotte are utterly bewildered by their surroundings, and probably break arms and get bitten by rattlesnakes. Coyote can serve as a guide at least for part of the trail. (Mostly because she wants to get away from all these maniacs.)

The only problem is, that exposes her to a wider variety of dangers. And someone's gotta have the bad luck. Coyote drowns when Duo and Charlotte try to float a wagon across a swollen river. Coyote is stampeded by raging buffalo. Coyote dies of scarlet fever. And probably syphilis.

Finally Elda gets exasperated with everyone, puts some protective magic on Coyote, and floats the whole wagon to Oregon. Where they are promptly accused of being witches. The end!