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ways_back_room2008-12-11 07:16 am
gammagammahey.livejournal.com) wrote in ways_back_room2008-12-11 07:16 am
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Your DE from the Barbary Coast: jurisprudence edition
Good morning, Millicitizens!
I volunteered to take today's DE, so here it is:
One of my pup's is a defense attorney. This got me thinking about all the pups at Milliways and the judicial systems in their universes that may or may not exist.
If your pup found herself/himself/itself hauled up before a judge and accused of committing a crime, no matter how trivial or fantastical:
1. Did they do it?
2. What do they stand accused of?
3. If they did it, what did they do?
4. How would they plead before a judge?
5. If they have an attorney, would they invoke attorney client privilege and be honest with their counsel?
Go to town, people. Nothing is too absurd or ridiculous!
She-Hulk is, of course, available to dispense advice.
Sorry if this is late, but I'm on PST, so it's only 7:15 AM here. :-)
I volunteered to take today's DE, so here it is:
One of my pup's is a defense attorney. This got me thinking about all the pups at Milliways and the judicial systems in their universes that may or may not exist.
If your pup found herself/himself/itself hauled up before a judge and accused of committing a crime, no matter how trivial or fantastical:
1. Did they do it?
2. What do they stand accused of?
3. If they did it, what did they do?
4. How would they plead before a judge?
5. If they have an attorney, would they invoke attorney client privilege and be honest with their counsel?
Go to town, people. Nothing is too absurd or ridiculous!
She-Hulk is, of course, available to dispense advice.
Sorry if this is late, but I'm on PST, so it's only 7:15 AM here. :-)
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He tosses her in a jail cell overnight after they wreck their car and get stranded in Eureka. Turns out that the Marshall is her father and he's taking her back to her mom in LA.
Anyway, she ends up doing community service for the crime.
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Melaka:
1. Oh hell yes!
2. Grand larceny. I'm sure some cops who aren't friendly with Erin want to stick her sister for murder one, but somehow they can never find the bodies, and the victims all seem irritatingly nameless.
3. Grand larceny! It's kind of her job here.
4. Not guilty. :-D (see Erin facepalm)
5. Mel's attorney is provided by her super-powerful crimelord boss. She doesn't say a thing to him, because he's taking all his instruction from Gunther. So no, no confidentiality here. She still walks.
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The pup I have most likely to face a judge is Joshamee Gibbs, on the charges of desertion from the Royal Navy, piracy, and treason. Of course he's guilty, but being the sort who likes keeping his head attached to his body, he'd plead not guilty and make up the most outlandish tales to convince all involved that he was shanghaied, forced to act as a pirate, and totally innocent as the day he was born. It would be, quite honestly, embarrassing to watch, especially since Jack faced his pending execution with courage.
I doubt Gibbs would have a lawyer, since civil liberties are not a priority in the 18th century. But it he did, Gibbs would lie through his rotten teeth form now till the end of his life. Which would probably be in a very short time, given the speed of justice back then.
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1. Did they do it?
Yes.
2. What do they stand accused of?
Tax fraud, identity theft, falsifying documents, maybe RICO or stock market crimes if they start digging into Tet too deeply as a result.
3. If they did it, what did they do?
Completely falsified her identity for the last twenty years while holding majority stock in a giant corporation that employs its own mercenary forces.
4. How would they plead before a judge?
She might plead guilty to make it easier to get (and subsequently jump) bail.
5. If they have an attorney, would they invoke attorney client privilege and be honest with their counsel?
If the attorney was a Tet employee, sure. If Tet was being indicted, too, not so much.
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2. Trespassing, assault and resisting arrest.
3. While on a delivery in a Burbclave, was accosted by a group of young men who made lewd comments and attempted inappropriate physical contact. She defended herself and was caught in the act by the Burbclave's security. An argument ensued. The charge of trespassing was thrown in because the cops felt like being assholes.
4. Self-defense.
5. Would have a lawyer kept on retainer by Radical Kourier Systems, Inc., and would be totally honest with them.
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1. Oh, yes.
2. Unauthorized access to and use of a secure computer system, truancy.
3. Multiple counts of unauthorized access and use: she can't even remember them all. Has been a feral child for years.
4. "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, dee dee dee dum, there they are a-standing in a row..."
5. Would be totally incomprehensible to her court-appointed lawyer.
I love my canon. (and this comment is full of DELICIOUS SPOILERS)
2. Murder.
3. Stabbed a man to death. Quite horribly, in fact. :DDD
4. This is where the fun starts: his story changes from "I didn't do it" to "I didn't do it, my psychotic alternate personality did" about halfway through the movie. He gets off 'cause he pulls a truly masterful transition act in the middle of court, leaps over the witness stand, and starts choking the prosecution. Obviously only an insane person would do that, so the judge basically says "Good God. I'll let you change your plea mid-trial, just get this lunatic out of my courtroom." And this is why Aaron Stampler is awesome, folks.
5. Eventually! Whereupon the movie ends on Mr. Defense Attorney walking out of the courthouse going :(((((.
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1. Did they do it? Yes.
2. What do they stand accused of? Breaking Constrictor's face. A lot.
3. If they did it, what did they do? They didst smash him, smash him, smash him in the face.
4. How would they plead before a judge? Herc would plead that he didst merely protect the city from a foul villain.
5. If they have an attorney, would they invoke attorney client privilege and be honest with their counsel? Hercules never denies his guilt. Merely denies what he did was a crime.
...and a certain attorney told him to just pay a settlement ;D
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>_>
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*eyes the first 15 minutes of Season 7*
AHAHAHAHAAA.
I ... have a lot of choices to go with for this one
1. Did they do it? Yes
2. What do they stand accused of? Assault
3. If they did it, what did they do? PWN't a school bully. Hard.
4. How would they plead before a judge? Really rich, your honor.
5. If they have an attorney, would they invoke attorney client privilege and be honest with their counsel? Probably not.
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...
AND CREATING A DISTURBANCE!
Props to whoever gets this.
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(My favorite moment in one of my college classes came from pointing out that the Chinese Communist Party had a lot of damn gall, asking repeat-offender thinkers if they'd rehabilitated themselves... and the prof cracking up. XD)
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1. Of course he did it, he's Artemis.
2. Depends on where he was being tried. Interpol would probably try to take him down for money laundering, property theft, and computer/information theft. The LEP would try to get him for kidnapping, extortion, and computer/information theft.
3. All of it.
4. He'd plead guilty on a matter of principle.
5. His family would already have an attorney who knows not to even ask questions.
Revan:
1. Yes, and the whole galaxy knows it.
2. The Republic, if similar to our own international laws, could bring him in for crimes against peace, crimes against humanity, war crimes, and they'd get him for treason as well.
3. Technically, he stands guilty of all the charges, only differing on the specifics of each.
4. He'd enter a creative plea.
5. He'd be representing himself.
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Yes, she did.
2. What do they stand accused of?
High Treason.
3. If they did it, what did they do?
Stole a warship, started a campaign of aggression against the Portuguese navy as revenge for the loss of her fiancé and brother.
4. How would they plead before a judge?
Guilty. She did it, and would do it again under the same circumstances
5. If they have an attorney, would they invoke attorney client privilege and be honest with their counsel?
Yes, and she would need expert help to avoid being hanged. A 'light sentence' would be life forced labor...
Help? Anyone?
I'll answer for three
1. Did they do it?
Yes.
2. What do they stand accused of?
Property Damage.
3. If they did it, what did they do?
Used a parked car as a weapon.
4. How would they plead before a judge?
No contest.
5. If they have an attorney, would they invoke attorney client privilege and be honest with their counsel?
Ben would be completely honest with Jen, who would be his lawer of course. = ]
Valeria Von Doom (
1. Did they do it?
Yes.
2. What do they stand accused of?
Violating the time/space.
3. If they did it, what did they do?
Val entire existence as Valeria Von Doom (as opposed to Valeria Richards) is a violation of current time/space; quite simply she should not exist anymore.
4. How would they plead before a judge?
Not even sure what Court would prosecute to be honest.
5. If they have an attorney, would they invoke attorney client privilege and be honest with their counsel?
Val would definitely give full disclosure in the hopes it would give her a chance to exist.
Loki Laufeyson (
1. Did they do it?
Which charge? Most likely yes but you'd have to good evidence.
2. What do they stand accused of?
Nothing if she's on top of her game, too many to list if she's not.
3. If they did it, what did they do?
Of course. Even the things she didn't do.
4. How would they plead before a judge?
She would not recognize the court authority. Unless it was Asgardian, in which case she would throw herself on the courts mercy or manipulate the evidence to reflect her innocence.
5. If they have an attorney, would they invoke attorney client privilege and be honest with their counsel?
Loki would give full disclosure to Jen to see how she would deal with the information and her inability to use it.
Re: I'll answer for three
SOMEONE AT MARVEL NEEDS TO WRITE THIS.
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1. Did they do it? *eyes her pre-X-men history* Yes. Hell, yes, even.
2. What do they stand accused of? Murder in the first, multiple counts. Possibly conspiracy to commit murder, possibly terrorism depending on which country she's in at the time.
3. If they did it, what did they do? Her handlers told her to, on the early stuff. Most recently she's been killing a lot of Purifiers. And a giant robot.
4. How would they plead before a judge? I--can't see her showing up before a judge, somehow. She'd--I think she'd be encouraged to plead insanity or something? Or guilty and then they'd go in to her abusive childhood and her lack of affect. Or something.
5. If they have an attorney, would they invoke attorney client privilege and be honest with their counsel? Yes. There would be no point in lying. Enough people have enough files that--yeah. There's no point.
I'd do Dean's, but it's a giant list of everything under the sun. Except prostitution and solicitation. And drug-related charges. Except maybe possession. Of weed. Maybe. In high school. *wry*
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2. I think it's officially fraud, assault on a federal officer, assault with a deadly weapon, grand larceny, grand theft auto, arson, and murder in the first.
3. Blew up her biological father, ran from the police, scuffled more than once with the marshal hounding her, escaped in his car once, orchestrated a very specific bank robbery and shot her "partner" when he was about to violate her no one gets hurt rule, posed as a woman named Monica and married a cop, and drugged said cop and ran after about six months when she realized she couldn't keep that life up.
4. Not guilty.
5. Well, I'm pretty sure that heavily depends on the circumstances.
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2. Disorderly conduct, Assault, Battery, Murder One, Manslaughter,
3. Disorderly conduct, Assault, Battery, Murder One, Manslaughter.
4. Mike would fall on both knees, while Raph would probably just swear under his breath.
5. Mike would be too honest. Think like...Chunk with his hand in the blender honest. I don't know that Raph would talk to a suit...maybe if that Lawyer was his brother Donnie.
I'd like to think that both of them would get off seeing that they fall under the Endangered Species Act....
Funny story, Raph was actually arrested in Millicanon. He, along with Indiana Jones, was arrested during the shenanigans that made up Tim Hunter's Bachelor Party. To this day in Tim's New York there is an outstanding warrant for Zach Braff and Harrison Ford.
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I'd forgotten about that :) Was it Tim's New York? I thought it was Andrew's or Raph's. Didn't Raph get a paper from his New York a few days later, with the story in it? Which is how they recalled some of the details.
Tim broke them out with a magical jail wall detonation and they subsequently escaped on a police horse if I recall. By this point I'd imagine that Harrison's attorneys have provided alibis to clear him. So the warrant is actually for a Harrison Ford look-a-like.
Good times.
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1. Yes, he did.
2. Theft, killing of the King's deer, outlawry, treason though he'll argue that one.
3. Well, seeing as he's one of Robin Hood's men, he did it to protect his home and the man he serves until the true King returns.
4. Medieval England, his defense was I won't tell you anything as they tortured him, there was a bit of show trial.
5. If he'd had an attorney of course, Will's fairly honest just his world is not a nice one.
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1. Noooooooooooooo!!!
2. Probably either theft from a candy store or public disorderliness.
3. Didn't do it! Didn't do it, didn't go it...lemme goooo!
4. Something along the lines of: *bawls*
5. Assuming the attorney could get him to calm down before they threw the case out on account of tear-flood, he wouldn't need to.
Dahlia:
1. Yes.
2. Theft, fraud, identify theft, conspiracy to commit any of the previous, etc.
3. All of it and probably more.
4. Innocent, of course.
5. She would probably try to BS the lawyer and only come clean if necessary.
Gilbert:
1. Yes.
2. Probably solicitation. He'd also possibly get hit over the head by buggery law, but he's in a strange little gap between when France stopped executing folks for it and when they actually decriminalized it, so I dunno.
3. Yep.
4. He'd plead innocent and then promptly make eyes at the judge, to try to win him over.
5. I'd be surprised if he didn't end up talking about how not-innocent he is in the middle of the court room, attorney or not.
Going for 3 as well; although I'm tempted to add Chell.
1. Yes.
2. Impersonating a Combine Civil Protection Office, utilizing intelligence thus gained for the benefit of the civilian resistance, aiding Vance Prime, Vance Subprime, and Anti-Citizen One, Gordon Freeman. Killing Combine Civil Protection, Overwatch, and Elite soldiers. Desertion. Aiding Anti-Citizen One in gaining entrance to the City 17 Citadel. Making use of Civil Protection access and security codes to aid the civilian resistance in entering and aiding in the downfall of the Overwatch Nexus. Freeing captured Resistance prisoners in the aforementioned Nexus. Willful destruction of Combine Suppressor technologies....
3. Every single item, and more.
4. *sneer* "Guilty as hell, you fucking bastards."
5. You don't get attorneys with the Combine. You get dead... if you're lucky.
Okay, moving onto a lighter note....
1. Yup!
2. Evading the SHRA, joining Cap's Secret Avengers, releasing prisoners from 42, failing to comply with the amnesty granted after the end of the Civil War.
3. Oh, definitely.
4. Um. That's a toughie. However Jen and Billy suggested he should plead.
5. Yeah. He'd likely ask for Jen, and then be entirely honest; that's the kind of person he is.
1. No.
2. Killing children while deployed on a mission in Tyumen Oblast, Russia. Failing to comply with orders that resulted in the death of his teammates. Evading the authorities. Etc.
4. Innocent.
5. Yes, "I don't remember committing any of these crimes! I have no memory of the past six months! Please, you've got to understand!"
Re: Going for 3 as well; although I'm tempted to add Chell.
(I acknowledge Frontline: Civil War as happening in my Milliways version of Jen's canon; I just refuse to acknowledge that one really stupid comment that Jenkins wrote her as making to Robbie, and there's no way in hell any client of Jen's would be getting hurt under her watch.)
Re: Going for 3 as well; although I'm tempted to add Chell.
Re: Going for 3 as well; although I'm tempted to add Chell.
Re: Going for 3 as well; although I'm tempted to add Chell.
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1. Yes
2. Multiple counts of Murder, Attempted Murder, Theft, Property Damage, Frequenting a 'house of ill repute', crimes against the US Army including Murder, Attempted Murder, Conspiracy, as well as Disturbing the Peace, Firing a weapon within city limits, Trespassing, Evading arrest, Murder of an officer of the peace...you get the picture
3. With a gun, to say the least.
4. Guilty, but Doc never got a trial, they just scheduled him straight to hang.
5. There would be no point.
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Pre-season 2 finale, I would go with shades of not-guilty. After, for a good while he'd plead guilty to anything.
He'd be honest with his lawyer. But might not mention everything.
Frank would get a speeding ticket or something. Tara...I dunno. She's a bit of a goody goody.
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1. Yes. He's very guilty. He even admitted it.
2. Treason.
3. Nash betrayed the people trying to save the world by being an informant for their enemy and, once he had told them what he had done, he blew up their airship engine to prevent them from foiling Ghaleon's plan.
4. Nash would plead the same way he pleaded before his real judge, Mia: he did it, but he did it all for her.
5. Yes. The war made people do desperate things and Nash would hope for his council to convey the necessity of what he did to his judge and jury.
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1. Did he do it?
Yes, Tyler, full grown, has done almost everything his boss has.
2. Tyler is being charged with several counts of falsifying documents, illegal identities, aggravated assault, deadly assault, assault with a deadly weapon, car theft, breaking and entering, resisting arrest, impersonating federal officials and likely a few other harassment charges. Oddly enough no tax fraud. "I really don't like making that same mistake my boss did."
3. Tyler, aka Moon Shadow has at least fifteen seperate idenities in several states who all pay their taxes. His identity, Moon Shadow, is a detective vigilante, which roughly translates to 'man who operates outside the law for justice'. He has stolen cars to escape the police, but he does usually put them back or replace them if things get really terrible. As for the harassment charges... Well, sometimes it's nice to send the supervillians you love to annoy plain fruit baskets with cryptic messages.
4. Not Guilty, save for the harassment charges. They'd have a bear of a time proving it was Moon Shadow who did those things.
5. Considering Tyler himself is a practiced attorney of Metahuman law, he MIGHT represent himself. Although if the Jennifer of HIS universe was available to be hired for the trial, HELL YES he'd hire her in a heartbeat. And Tell her the truth about those things in strict confidence.