ways_back_room | Hijacked DE

Um.

Well.

Basically ... this.

And then this.

Oh, and this.

I think Scorpius would be more worried/upset if his real parents and/or grandparents showed up than he would if his future kid did. Depending on the age of the child, Scorpius would generally be fine with it. Weird things happen in Milliways.

I think he'd be more curious than anything and try asking all sorts of questions. Like, who the other parent is, what the future is like, does the kid go to Hogwarts, what House is s/he in, where do they live, what do they do, et cetera.

If Rose or Hugo showed up, I think Ron would probably freak out for about half a day. And then he'd want to know what they were doing UNSUPERVISED in a BAR, especially a BAR like MILLIWAYS, and never-mind what he got up to as a kid, they're grounded until they're thirty.

Then he'd find Hermione to stare at and be awkward around, because he'd automatically assume she was the mother as there isn't anyone else he could imagine marrying and having kids with even though he hasn't really thought about kids or marriage or any of that stuff yet and he hasn't even SNOGGED Hermione yet, which would lead to his second freak out of the day.

Edited 2011-03-11 14:16 (UTC)

Oh, Ron. <3

Honestly though - I don't think Hermione's reaction would be too off the mark from Ron's either. (Well, there probably won't be grounding till they're thirty or anything like that. haha.)

She'd act calm and composed in front of her future!children, and even in front of Ron and anyone else she knows, but inside her mind would be a torrent of questions. There would essentially be a mini-mental freakout in her head.

And slowly it would build up until it bursts like a pipe.

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humourandheart - 2011-03-11 15:13 (UTC) - Expand

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evercleverest - 2011-03-11 15:27 (UTC) - Expand

I've done this for Will over in mixed muses, he was just so happy to have a life and know things go better. It was still quite odd.

Sameth would blink and then ask them how the Old Kingdom was going.

Moist would be terrified and try to get out of the conversation quickly.

Jane would probably not know what to say.

William would be polite and at a loss.

Demeter would apologize and try to help the child understand that yes, the gods are crazy but they're family.

Tumnus, I really can't picture with children.

The Pirate King would try and teach them good piratey ways.

I've actually thought about this for Annabelle, oddly enough. The only person I can see her having children with is Connor, so the poor dear has inherited the FreakAngels Package. This means she looks a lot like her dad: dark hair, pale complexion, purple eyes. (How does a dead woman HAVE biological children? I don't know, presumably there was an instance of "Fucking Milliways!!" involved.)

Thankfully for all concerned, she's calmer than her mother was at that age, although she seems to have inherited Annabelle's fascination with weaponry and tendency to cuss like a sailor.

She's more bookish than Annabelle though, and she has her own hoard of books at home in Whitechapel. (It helps that she can "cheat" and get books from Eli and Hope Freeman via Milliways.) She doesn't MEAN to find trouble, but she tends to end up in it anyway. This is probably the fault of her mother's genes, or whatever flavor of Inspiration she gets, if any.

Annabelle's reaction to meeting her future progeny could be summed up like so: 0-o!!!

I've also had a few thoughts regarding Jake "Danger Ace" Stefokowski unintentionally introducing the genetic sequence required for Inspiration to the Half-Life verse. They need all the genetic diversity they can get, right? ;-) I'm not sure how he'd react to meeting his kids though.

I was going to say that Karkat would yell at him (which is also probably too) but then I remembered that the way troll reproduction works it would be impossible to tell unless the child was actually an ectobiological clone of some kind.

In which case Karkat would just yell at him.

A response for every occasion.

Assuming the child is with Dani? Thrilled to the point of freakouts. And inclined to ask all kinds of questions about the future and then say "No, stop, don't tell me" and then ask more questions.

Not sure offhand what the kid would be like, other than dark-haired and blue-to-purple-eyed, but s/he would definitely be organic (and half-ghost) by default, because

my plans for Enzo do involve his eventually living in Userspace.
it's a lot easier on a child to start organic and turn into a sprite than vice versa. Sprites turning human have to deal with the whole format loss thing, and while that is actually easier on children than adults, no one is going to inflict it on a baby.
it'd probably be easier on the mother to be restricted to her natural form(s) for nine months than to have to stay as a sprite for twelve. No one is sure what effect the digitization process would have on a fetus, but it's not the sort of thing you experiment on.

Cal - Has a daughter, and would be horrified if said daughter showed up here, quite frankly. Sorry Milliways, you're too dangerous to be around Emily.

Ace - Considering that both of the McShane-Witherspoon kids were adopted from the bar, we'll go the other way, if a biological child showed up. Ace would be stuck somewhere between been somewhat terrified at the prospect of ever being a mum to an itty bitty baby, and abjectly sorry to whatever kid got hers and Spoon's utterly screwed genetics. If the kid showed any of the more exotic traits of the parents, she'd probably flip out. (Though thanks to the utterly HORRIFIC Torchwood Children of Earth, there's evidence that the not-dying thing wouldn't transfer from her side).

Glorfindel - there is precious little prospect of him having kids. He's rather devoted to someone else's. :D

Shaz - I thinks she rather likes the idea of children in general, though she always runs up against that problem of what that'd do to any and all hopes of making Detective. Maternity leave isn't exactly popular, here. But if she did, it'd be with Chris, and they'd probably have the most adorably puppy-dog-eyed kids ever. Though we'd hope they'd get her brains. Sorry, Chris.

Laranth - laughs at your ideas of children. Besides, the only one she might attempt that with isn't terribly biologically compatible (as far as I know) in that sense.

Romana - ... if the rumors about the Doctor are true, this is actually a possibility. And such a child is somewhat doomed to be bored as a child with normal kid things, with the parents he or she would have. Though Romana would fret as to how to explain to Ray how early Gallifreyans start their formal (aka at the academy and away from h ome) training.

Katya - *snickerfits* Um. Well, there's one person she'd possibly go in for that with, and he's not in the bar, so. But. Assuming that's dealt with... She'd probably be kicking herself hard. The odds of an Other's kid, never mind the kid of two Others, actually being an Other himself (or herself, gods forbid) is astronomically low, and no one's re-writing her fate with the Chalk of Destiny to increase those chances. That only happens to other people. Person. Whatever.

Bones - we've covered this. Unless something drastically changes in the future, the only possibility is his daughter from a previous marriage... and his answer is the same as Cal's. Oh hell no.

Eight years old, wasn't it? Or do they start earlier than that? Ray would have to think about it for a while; he went to college young, but not that young. I think as long as there were letters or other communiques on a regular basis he could think of it as boarding school and be okay.

Barbossa probably has a few children spread far and wide across the world, him being a pirate and all. Not that he would expect one to show up in his life, much less at Milliways.

Considering his luck and the weird sense of humour of the PotC's universe, it would probably start something like this.

Barbossa Jr: "Hello, my name is Iñigo Barbossa. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Barbossa Sr: "ExcusWHOA that is one sharp sword you have there, boy...!"

Tarik comes from a much more civilized time than Barbossa, which means he probably had more means of preventing a child from happening. Still, if a child of his showed up FROM THE FUTURE!!!, he would first be relieved that Humanity hasn't been extinguished either by their own hand or the Combined Army's, and then extremely curious about the kind of person the kid turned out to be.

Wrex would be delighted and proud to have a kid despite the genophage making the odds of a Krogan pregnancy ending in successful birth somewhere about 1 in 1000. He would also be quite proud of himself, though he wouldn't let it show, and then would engage in some of the violent and potentially-deadly-to-softer-beings activities that the Krogan call "games" with the child.

Oh my god, the amount of flipping out Rory would do if ever his kid from the future showed up ...

Yeaaaaah.

Rory will probably not eat/sleep/blink for days.

(But finding out his kid's mum is Amy will make things so much better to cope with.

And then, once he's properly digested this information, he will be pleased. Pleased and happy, and probably more receptive to future talks with said child.)

There have been two versions of this that have already happened with Mia. In both cases, neither one was her child, either because of another parent or because of sheer time differences.

She most definitely had a breakdown when first meeting Scorpius up there and learning that she wasn't his mother. Considering Draco's history, her assumption that he would sleep with another woman was incorrect but understandable. Still, wasn't the nicest thing to think about when you're a newlywed. Draco freaked out about Mia not being Scorpius's mother as well and feared much worse.

And then there was the brief time Lemina was in the bar, Lemina being her descendant some 1000 years in the future. That was more awe and wondering what the future was like as well as amazement that her descendant would even remember her, much less be excited to meet her. Not only that but Lemina's appearance and character makes it easy to assume that some Malfoy traits lived on, such as her blond hair, her vanity, and her love of both magic and money.

Lucas, meanwhile, is so far removed from the idea of having children that he would completely freak out. He's too young and has too much to do to even consider the possibilities. There would be even more freakout if the kid looked anything like Kumatora (unlikely but technically possible I guess?) or Luna Lovegood (you mean his still-budding crush was reciprocated?!).

Ben Grimm actually has three different sets of future children but I'll go with answering your question instead of sharing comic book trivia. Ben would be delighted to meet his future children. Assuming all is well with them it'd be a great day. Of course this being Ben any slight problem he would blame himself for. I'd like to imagine the kids would be super powered and have complete control over their powers. They wouldn't be stuck in a monstrous form like some of the alternate realities I mentioned above.

Jessica would be nervous and forcing herself not to ask questions. The child wouldn't be a super hero but would be a super spy and would have a power set similar to her mothers.

I can't imagine Val with children and canon forbids Thalia from having any. I can see her being the crazy Aunt to Annabeth and Percy's kids though.

Jenks can't have any more kids; Leprechaun wish and canon prevent it.

Artemus' kids would continue their father's work and I want to see the show now. It'd be a turn fo the century version of Wild WIld West with lots of tricky gadgets. Or it could have a strong super natural theme with the heroes over coming with their wits and gadgets. Arty would likely spend the time trading tips.

Edited 2011-03-11 15:46 (UTC)

Hee! The crazy aunt to Annabeth and Percy's kids would be awesome. She can bring new and dangerous artifacts each visit!

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shinyhappygoth - 2011-03-11 16:08 (UTC) - Expand

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dynastessa - 2011-03-11 16:24 (UTC) - Expand

Alba is the child of the future, and she met (what-could-have-been) her son in last year's Conversations with Dead People.

Josie snorts and demands that the universe BRING IT ON because she doubts such a thing would ever, ever, evereverever happen.

Alyx is the only one of my active pups to whom this applies (Artie refuses to believe he'll ever have kids, D0G is a robot, and the cat doesn't give a toss). I believe she'd be torn between not wanting to interact with them for fear of damaging the timestream and desperately wanting to ask them every detail about their lives. ^.^

Nikola's reaction would be something along the lines of, "Well, it was bound to happen eventually." And he'd drill them on what their education has been like and who their mother is and probably make plans for ensuring that he was in charge of their education in the future and, depending on the mother, for taking them away and having them raised by someone else. (Not himself, though. He doesn't want to be a dad.)

Lorne would freak out a bit and be torn between excitement that he had kids and curiosity/concern over how they came about considering he's perfectly happy with Jack at the moment.

Teyla would be very pleased to know Torren would have siblings someday and would be tempted to ask about the Wraith in their time but would refrain.

Tolkien already has one child, so he wouldn't be too surprised at more. He'd probably sit them in a corner and tell them stories.

Orpheus would freak right out, because he doesn't know how on earth he could ever have children unless Eurydice somehow came back from the underworld after all. He'd actually be frightened of the child because he'd assume it was some sort of plot of the gods.

Michael would be terrified and giddy all at once.

Bertie would awkwardly pat the child on the head and tell him/her to be a good lad/girl.

Lucifer would inform the child of the impossibility of their existence and that they were on their own as far as parental advice went.

Hatter would be awkward and protective and possibly quiz them on who in Wonderland their mother was.

Oh, yes, and Posner. He'd be fascinated and nervous and terribly, terribly confused about his sexuality. More than he already is.

Edited 2011-03-11 16:40 (UTC)

I am for some reason finding your first response horribly amusing and moderately worrisome.

I do not think Trowa is likely to have children, which makes this kind of a moot point. He's a) a nomad who's bad at showing emotion, b) dating a workaholic with issues about fathers and inadequacy, and c) in a gay relationship which means accidental kids ain't gonna happen. (If he adopted an urchin or something, they would have to adopt him first, and he would be very bemused by it. I find this image hilarious, but have no plans for it.)

River would get along well with her kids in any bit of the timeline (when she wasn't a pre-Academy teenager or really mid-freakout), I think! However, she would be ENORMOUSLY CONFUSED AND DISCOMBOBULATED by their parentage. The kid(s) would also be confused, but pretty willing to roll with it aside from occasional snark.

Lan, in the past, would I expect have been distant and polite and stonefaced and exceedingly, exceedingly Malkieri (partly as a defense mechanism, partly because this is what happens anyway when you put Lan around younger Borderlanders). Then he would have gone off and had a brooding-fest and/or existential crisis, depending on how much detail about what came out and whether he thought it was an alternate timeline. (If the latter, mostly just brooding-fest, for the record.)

Nowadays, he would be significantly less OMGWTFBBQ thing, on account of having survived the apocalypse and come to some terms with his birthright.

Piotr would be overjoyed and instantly, enormously protective. Piotr would jump into hell for any of his family, even more than he would for friends (and he would and has); this is how he works.

Don't count on it, Trowa, Havelock ended up with three by proxy!

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genarti - 2011-03-12 04:22 (UTC) - Expand

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jothra - 2011-03-13 02:37 (UTC) - Expand

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genarti - 2011-03-13 02:40 (UTC) - Expand

Heeeeeeee. Well. Said child would probably be a girl, as I see Jack as the kind of guy who has daughters. She'd be fairly tall and willowy, probably with red hair and freckles. Which would freak him out because well for one, he can't see himself being with anyone ever again, and also because wait a minute, he doesn't know anyone with red hair and freckles! Right? ;)

Which of course would then lead to future freak out when he does meet a woman with red hair and freckles. :D

Beware the Ides of March, ~~grandpa~~ Bauer.

;D

She-Hulk has at least one future child in an alternate reality. The father? Clint Barton. So if she met her alt!future!son, she'd be speechless (yes, Shulkie speechless), then she'd yell at Clint that this must all be his fault and probably be tempted to pound him into the ground. Then she'd grill her future son and shower him with love. It would be a paradigm shifting experience for sure.

Kendra would be struck dumb by a future kid. She already has a child in her previous life, and that child became Dream of the endless. She'd wonder what Nth metal has done, if anything, to a child developing in her womb. The kid would probably have some superpower. The prospect of having kids in the future scares her. To be faced with it would be daunting to say the least.

Lockjaw? No.

Siryn: if you've been reading X-Factor, you know that Terry would be freaked beyond freaked to have a future kid show up.

Edited 2011-03-11 18:28 (UTC)

Gordon would probably make the face in the icon for the original post. And then he'd make another face altogether because I'm reasonably sure that any future kid of his would probably accidentally comment that he looks really different without $MASSIVE_WAR_INJURY here. After that... well, he'd probably find something to do with them without asking them questions. He's good at silence.

Ray: weird timelines happen and he's already got two adopted kids. There's a good chance he'd be more surprised by having a biological child from his own genetic material than anything else.

Adrian would ask, "Who's your mama?" and then just stop asking for details. He's twenty-two and he's got a girlfriend and that's about as far as he's thought about these things; he just wants to know if it's his and his girlfriend's kid, or if something changes in the times to come.

Vergil would be delighted and would inquire after the circumstances of the offspring's creation. Vergil hasn't built any other Huragok because 'protective custody' is no place to bring a new life into the world. Clearly, if reproduction happens, something changes.

Mordin would be quite surprised, because he's old for his species- thirty-five in a species with a lifespan of around forty or so years. Still, he'd be pleased and inquire after her parentage and potential forward paths. And it would be a her, because salarians are haplo-diploid egg layers and males are hatched from unfertilized eggs- so only female salarians have fathers.

Belar's not from a canon with gods that reproduce.

Arcade would be rather surprised and do his best to discreetly inquire whether there was a syringe involved, because really, the other way just... isn't his thing.

Medic would be very surprised indeed. And would probably demand a blood sample for verification. Once he was satisfied he was dealing with his kid he'd start interrogating them about their mother and their upbringing and their academic performance in general. He's like that.

Fawkes can't reproduce. All supermutants are sterile. Vault 87 supermutants are created by a strain of FEV that actively eradicates all external physical sexual characteristics, but even Mariposa supermutants who still have all their parts can't reproduce.

And Ellen's response would be an utterly shocked, "Then I'm not sterile after all?"

... she's had some quiet psychological issues centering around the fact that survival doesn't mean she didn't necessarily suffer massive radiological damage to her germ cell DNA ever since waking up in the Citadel infirmary.

Edited 2011-03-11 20:31 (UTC)

Gene might actually be rendered speechless. He almost was when a pregnant Glaswegian turned up in London, saying she was going to have his kid. To have one actually appear in Milliways...yeah, gobstruck. He's resigned to never having any (and is secretly, painfully, sure that there's something wrong with him that stopped it happening, no matter how much he insisted it was his wife's fault)...as such, once the initial shock wore off, he'd be chuffed to bits.

Depending on their age/gender, the questions would start, 'who's your mam?' followed by, 'want a pint, son?'/'what football team d'you support?' and then, 'you a copper?'/'do you want to be a copper?'

And then he'd grin for about a year.

///PLOT BUNNY EXTERMINATION PROTOCOLS INVOKED///

***6620:906:FAULT***

***BRAIN WIPE BEGINNING IN SIXTY SECONDS***

Please remain calm and hold perfectly still while the protocols are completed. You may experience some dizziness and disorientation. We suggest a medicinal dose of alcohol and or salty treats to help balance your electrolytic fluids and/or dampen the PBE field's harsh effects. Thank you for your cooperation. We now return you to reality, already in progress.

***BRAIN WIPE COMPLETE***

/// END PBE PROTOCOL///

This... is actually plausible, for Felix. There's no confirmed kid for him yet, but they're probably going to make that fourth game, and based on the third one odds are it'll have a Felix-kid.

That said, I don't think he'd react much differently than he would to meeting any of his friends' currently-canonical kids. That is to say, several seconds of "Hang on, have we met before? You look familiar...", followed by a certain amount of reflection on how much he dislikes timeline anomalies, and then getting to know them. Depending on the kid, and the circumstances from which they'd show up, there might well be relief that he won't end up in that particular future.

If Nick came in, Larry would give him a tour; if it were a kid that hasn't happened yet, he'd go o_O and probably do the same thing.

I wrote a fic where one of Cata's children from the time she was whitewashed trained at another Guild and went looking for her, and two of the three children I figure she ended up with are canon, so it's possible that could happen in-bar. If one of those kids showed up, she'd make sure they knew her leaving wasn't their fault, since the oldest one was six when she got her memory back. If it were a kid from after her time whitewashed, she'd be wondering how in the abyss that happened.

Claudia would go: o_O O_o O_O for a while.
Especially since she hasn't met either of the kid's most likely fathers yet. (If it's her and Fargo's kid... the world is possibly doomed. XD)
But after a while, I think she'd think it was pretty cool.

In general there's a degree of panic all around, yes. Followed closely by lots and lots of questions, then an argument on the nature of causality. Then causality gets stuffed in a sack and tossed off a bridge. (If the universe was going to be destroyed the first time there was time travel going on we'd have never got to this point.) And after that reactions sort of split:

Actually, Jerry has read through this if canon is any sort of guide. His kid probably had to pull the book aside and then the above happened.

Robo freaks out long and hard, with a side of paranoia, unless it's supposed to be an adoption. Then he just bitches about time travel.

Tyler freaks out too, but strange things happen. Hopefully he wrote himself a note for the kid to bring or something. And if it's Mallory she goes right back out the door. Nobody's little girl comes to the bar until she's thirty and can handle a gun.

Right now Ako takes off running. After other things, well things change yes?

Yuuno is kind of locked in his reactions. Just, you know, frozen with his hair standing on end. And neither of us is really sure who the mother is. Huh.

Amascut, a future child?

She would probably deny it up and down, claiming she can't have kids and the absurdity of a goddess of death and destruction bringing a new life into the world to suffer through the dread horror of existenceblahblahblahblahblah. This would be followed by bad things if the FUTURE CHILD is persistent. Very bad things.

She probably can't have kids. She has had several millenia to try and no red headed bastards have shown up. I shudder to think that that is what was preoccupying her during the God Wars. The god of war, Bandos, was fond of his breeding programs and accomplished some odd results. And this isn't a canon with half-elf, quarter-dwarf, quarter-vampire individuals wandering about or any of that silliness. Species do not cross-breed unless a race that follows or used to follow Bandos is involved. Amascut may have been captured by him or she might of volunteered for something or eeew eeeew eeeew.

I think Lilly and Puck's kids (the twins plus Raspberry, who is Puck and Del's. And a squid) are the closest to actual kids that Havelock will ever have.

He's pretty okay with them! Adrian, flying in the face of all probability, will take after Havelock himself, so he's pretty comfortable seeing to their education and so on.

Harth will never have kids. ~~Disregarding that crackfic involving Mary Lennox~~.

Sabriel has children! She is basically always happy to see them, since she's not around as much as she'd like.

Jack... It would be interesting to see him interact with children in the Bar. Although hopefully he doesn't have too many (he has at least one). You'd think he'd be all in favour of contraception.

Alex - God, as much as she'd love to see Molly again, this would break her (some more). If it was a child by another relationship? She'd again, be thrilled, and also just -- yeah. OW.

Sherlock - Yeah, not even gonna worry about that.

Olga, Earl & Vert, not an issue. Vlad? Hmm. ~files under things M'ways could possibly fix or subvert~

Mills - Cue completely overprotective dad syndrome. Also, worlds of wtf.

Fiona - Lies. All damned lies. Wouldn't believe it for a second.

River Song - Oh goodness. Ohhhhhh goodness. She'd be stunned. She's so not motherhood material.

I'm finding it mildly hilarious that Mills' canon is based on the completely overprotective dad syndrome, and that Milliways isn't, apparently, changing this. <3