Daily Entertainment: Dysfunction Junction

[themightyspazz]

Gunter, glieben, glauchen, globen.

From knightoftheswan:

Your pups are suddenly a family. What kind of family are they? What roles are represented? Does someone fit a role you wouldn't expect?

If you only have one pup, post in and get adopted!

Comments

[themightyspazz]

What kind?

Dysfunctional as fuck is what kind. John is 37, Voodoo is 29, Mako is 18, and none of them are related by blood. Their personalities clash, there's no clear dynamic between the three of them, and they'll probably form a silent agreement to split up and go their own separate ways ASAP.

[herr_bookman]

I only have the one, which suits him just fine.

[themightyspazz]

Forgot a bit! Check the header again.

[herr_bookman]

Ahahaha, oh no! Now he's like, "withdraw me!"

[sunbaked_baker]

*cooks for him anyway*

[herr_bookman]

*grumbles and eventually caves, learns to be grateful*

[ceitfianna]

Charles would adopt Autor because he believes in creating families.

[herr_bookman]

Autor does not; he runs when he recognizes it. That seems like a recipe for hurt for both of them.

[ceitfianna]

True but it would be also very in character for both of them.

[gorgonfondness]

Mia and Lucas would be all for taking Autor in. Lohengrin is just kind of like, "......why?" So no consensus with mine. XD;

[herr_bookman]

Autor would like to point out that is he technically past the drinking age and can take care of himself, so there's really no need and surely there are other people available to fill the position.

[gorgonfondness]

Mia and Lohengrin would probably have to agree on things before they can agree on adopting anyone. Besides Lucas.

LUCAS IS THE ONE HOLDING THIS FAMILY TOGETHERRRRRR!

[herr_bookman]

*can't resist the giggle-fit*

[misslucyjane]

Steve is the Dad, of course. Merlin is the Mom. Lydia is the bratty-but-brilliant baby sister, while Jack is the oldest brother dealing with the pressure of carrying on the family legacy. (Something tells me Steve would be as hard an act to follow as Silas. Oh, I just meta'd myself.) The Ice King is the dotty uncle. Bilbo is the cousin you don't see often but always has the best stories when he visits.

[camwyn]

While most of my others appreciate the thought and I'm almost sure Santo would wind up in the head of household position, Mordin would like it noted that not every species conforms to the same kinship structure models as humans and considers the question to be disappointingly anthropocentric.

[knightoftheswan]

Noted. Though one question up there is what kind of family. While the implications were anthropocentric, if there is a family model from another species that's more suitable, I welcome it. XD

Because now I can't stop thinking about family models from the animal kingdom. Is anyone's group like a pride of lions?

[camwyn]

Mordin's species are amphibians, laid in clutches of dozens about once per year. Fertilized eggs produce female diploid offspring, unfertilized ones produce male haploids. Social custom dictates that only a fraction of the eggs of each generation are fertilized, so there's a roughly 10% female-90% male balance to the species. They tend to imprint on those who were present at their hatching and to a lesser degree on those they knew in their youth. They're socially organized into clans and the clan matriarch isolates herself with each year's hatching clutches; when daughters are hatched the matriarchs of the mother's clan and the father's clan are both present to make sure of loyalty and deference to both sides. They're raised by their close relatives, since when you're dealing with dozens of kids all of the same age you need the whole clan's resources to keep things together. The first circle of a salarian's clan comprises parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, and cousins and can be close to a hundred in number. The next circle includes second cousins, etc., and escalates to well over 1000 members. The fourth or fifth circle of a clan numbers into the millions. Salarian loyalty is greatest to their first circle and diminishes from there. And since the species has photographic memory across the board, they know and remember all their relatives and how much loyalty they owe them.

So, yeah, that's the family model Mordin's working off of. Far as he's concerned humans are weird.

[knightoftheswan]

Stuck in a house together would be a trial to some degree. As nice as Mia is, she is a witch. Lohengrin isn't too keen on sharing space with her. But if they worked out that difficulty, Lohengrin and Mia would be a pretty balanced couple as far as household responsibilities go. They would end up default parents to Lucas, who would be glad for their care.

[timelessinventor]

Joshua and Helena would be the parents of an adopted Fantine. If I actually give in and app the other character that I'm considering, she'd fit in quite well as another daughter.

[not_my_sandbox]

Mine would make an odd family. None of them have a species in common.

Amascut is a goddess who pretends to be human. Tons of issues, likes to break things.

Fairy Fixit is a large humanoid insect. Dislikes gods, handy at fixing things. Her revenge on whoever messes with her TV shows is going to be terrible and slow. This is also not a familiar family/living arrangement for her.

Evil Chicken is a renewable food source that threatens to run away every day but mmmm that chicken is tasty. Where did you get it from?

I just wrote up the concept for the lamest sitcom ever, didn't I?

[haole_cop]

Danny is the dad.

Emma and Jack are fraternal twins who never stop picking on each other.

Wolfwood is an absentee uncle of the kind who arrives spontaneously, without warning, bearing presents, and may be both physically unrelated by blood and in trouble with the law.

Caspian is the big brother who tries to mediate between the twins.

Nathan is the middle child who just wants to be left alone.

[ladyoflorien]

+100000

Best.

[afullmargin]

Emmma and Jack would have some epic fights... ha!

[aberration]

I feel like my characters are super disparate for this, but -

Leslie and Katara would be the parental figures - Leslie would probably be a bit hyperactive for Katara, but they'd get along and definitely be the mother hens of the group. Manny's your weird, goofy uncle. Marceline's the wild child aunt who only occasionally shows up for get togethers, and even then it's just to play her bass. Hiccup and Asami are a close-knit younger brother-older sister who bond over their engineering abilities. Elle's that distant cousin whom everyone's heard weird stories about, but she still seems friendly enough.

[bjornwilde]

Let's see, Ben and Val are already family and Ben is friends with Jessica thanks to past shenanigans and them both being Avengers, so those three are good. Ben would likely be the closest to a parental figure while Anton would try his best to avoid any responsibility. Hank would try to take on too much responsibility but Val would often temp him away with fun science. Quinlan (who seems to be stuck as a young padawan in my head nowadays) and Thalia are likely best buds and get into mischief together. While Andrea is like Ben and stuck being the mature ones. So ultimately, they're a pretty good family if a bit heavy on the sitcom.

[sunbaked_baker]

Sunshine's the older sister. She takes care of business as needed, working long hours and keeping her family fed. She'll boss her family around if she feels they need it, tease her little brother, and makes a good confidante and friend, but ultimately she's not the mother. Nevertheless, she'll hold the family together, whatever it takes.

Yrael is the distant but interesting uncle who only drops in occasionally but always has strange stories and gifts from distant places. He's something of a bullshitter, knowing full well that the truth should never be allowed in the way of a good story, and he may not wholly be a good person. Or at all, but good luck getting close enough to find out. He's good for occasional visits, but the family shouldn't expect any significant supportive contributions from him.

Zelgadiss is the younger brother, but with Sunshine taking the big sister/semi-motherly role, his behavior is closer to that of an only child. He wants to go his own way and do his own things - and the stories from his strange uncle's travels don't help. He collects hobbies and interests, reading widely on geography and history, studying higher maths, and learning to pick locks.

[ceitfianna]

Charles and Demeter are the parent figures since they both love building families. Will would be the older brother who keeps an eye on William while Sameth is the middle brother that spends most of his time working and needs to be reminded how to communicate.

Moist and the Pirate King are the strange uncles that appear and disappear depending on how much trouble they're in. Jane and Tumnus are the more sedate aunt and uncles who usually come visiting when they need their most recent work read over.

[mnt_raph]

*eyes pups*

Splinter, obviously the dad.

Raph, the older brother.
Mike, the younger brother.
Aang, Cousin Oliver...brought in because the younger brother had outgrown being cute.

Bumi, the wacky neighbor.
Ida, probably the landlady...because she sure as heck isn't any kind of mother-figure.

The Loompas are a group of kids in the neighborhood.
Aaaand, the name of the sitcom that I've just gone and created is: Everyone Loves Michaelangelo.

Filmed before a live studio audience.

[adiva_calandia]

By rights, Epimetheus should be the father figure as the oldest person in the group by far, but LOLNOPE. More like the shiftless uncle who comes by and gives gifts that are occasionally $20 bills and occasionally random rocks from a beach in Angola. Not that Epimetheus isn't deeply loyal to his family! He's just. Bad at it. Commitment. You know.

Kate and Nita are, in general, the people running the household, until Nita either gets stressed out or has to go on errantry and Carmela steps in to give her a break. Tom actually helps out a good deal, too, in a slightly frenetic and disorganized way. He means well, but he's never had the head for . . . well.

Kim is definitely the odd one out, having kind of a rocky relationship with the idea of family to begin with. Carmela has given up on trying to get her to go clothes shopping for either girl's or boy's clothes; Kate keeps trying to teach her courtly etiquette when Nita isn't looking, because Nita has expressed firmly that everyone should stop trying to make Kim into something she doesn't want to be, but Kate is convinced that if Kim would just learn how much more effective she could be if she'd learn to flirt . . . Tom stays out of it, and Epimetheus sneaks her out of the house to go run just-for-fun B&E jobs on rich guys.

Everyone loves Charles Wallace, when he remembers to come in from the orchard, and everyone goes to him when they need a listening ear.

Moth is hiding in the closet eating everyone's clothes and threatens to bite anyone who comes at her with mothballs.

[never_shall_yield]

I try to think of the answer to this, and then my brain explodes.

Um. Well, Bruce Wayne would be the dad. I know that much. And I suspect Banner takes the mother role. So, yeah. Javert and Gene would be the kids - Gene would be like the happy kid that's outgoing, and popular, and on all the sports teams. He's a be a bit of a headache at times, but he's family orientated, so he'd get along quite well.

Javert is the sulky kid who sits on his own in his room, and plays emo goth music. He's a loner, and spends a lot of time in the library. He'd go along on family trips and not join in, whereas Gene would be the glue for all of them. As brothers, they'd actually do all right. Gene wouldn't let anyone talk shit about his bro, even though he'd be exasperated with him to his face. And Javert would think Gene was loud, and a pain in the arse, but love him quietly without being demonstrative.

I think Bruce W would be good in the father role, if a little distant. Banner would spend his time worrying about Javert being withdrawn, and make sure he's included in all the family decisions, and trips. And he'd probably be closer to him, what with their logical ways of thinking.

All in all, I think they're an unlikely kind of family, but possibly no more so than many other. They're all very different, but with enough in common for it to work.

[mmexlibris]

Alex would be the mother, taking everyone under her wing. Olga would be her older sister, the crazy-eyed aunt who drinks too much.

Mills would be the Dad. He'd be a hard ass when he had to be, and he'd be scary, even without any paranormal powers. River Song would be his younger sister, the crazy aunt who takes you on wild vacations and tells you not to let your parents know what kind of shenanigans went on. John Silver is clearly their youngest brother and aspiring family black sheep.

Sherlock would be the youngest, equal parts awkward and defensive towards his new found family. Fiona, his crazy adopted sister with a penchant for starting fires.

Earl would be the grandfather, and Vlad, his brother. That bookends nicely.

[cameoflage]

While Dr Thurlow's old enough that they could reasonably be Aradia's parent (they don't look it, but they are), Thurlow's pretty irresponsible and Aradia's quite independent, so they might functionally be more like siblings. Just as well, since Aradia would find it exceedingly pointless to have some alien adult standing in for her custodian. Very multicultural, but the novelty wears off quickly.

Thurlow would be the head of the household on paper since Aradia's a minor, but Aradia's the more sensible of the two, so if anyone would be looking after anyone else it would be Aradia reining in Thurlow's self-destructive tendencies. (Although Thurlow would do a decent job of keeping them afloat financially at least.) This would probably be less fundamentally dysfunctional than if Aradia was a human kid, since as a troll she wasn't raised to expect adults to look after children... but as it stands it's uncomfortably similar to her relationship with Sollux, so it's kind of lose/lose that way.

[minkhollow]

Red's the Team Mom, Claudia and Apollo are the annoying younger siblings, Regulus is the responsible older sibling, Imp's off doing his own thing, and Cata and Sam are... the weird relatives.

(Hilarious: One of the annoying younger siblings is 4000 years old, and they're both older than Red and Regulus.)

[chanter1944]

I'm late! I've only got the one pup, so where would Sariel fit, random!family-wise?

[ceitfianna]

Will would adopt her as a kind of sister because she's one of his favorite and they already have a rather sibling relationship.

[afullmargin]

Bwhaha. Ah, dysfunction...

Well, Henry is already sort of Gus' second Dad (and oddly enough, despite what Shawn says, the cool Dad).

Michael would definitely be the (probably) insane distant Uncle.

And Penny would be kind of like Gus' more wild younger sister.

Actually, this wouldn't be all that dysfunctional.