Daily Entertainment: Headlines Edition!

[damncompass]

Because I'm obsessed with Newsies right now, I bring you today's Daily Entertainment:

If your character (or character's plotline, or character's canon) had a headline in a newspaper, what would it be?

Comments

[damncompass]

Joshua: Disappeared Man Returns; Claims He Teleported.

Helena: HG Wells is a Woman!

Valentine: Demosthenes Actually Twelve-Year-Old Girl

Fantine: Death Toll in France Rises Sharply

[the_cupbearer]

I feel particularly awful for snorting into my cereal over Fantine's headline. Oh my god.

[1nv1nc1ble]

"Invincible Son of Omni-Man; Fights Father in San Fran!"

[sdelmonte]

Knox writes the headlines (or at least the stories) and is therefore excused from this exercise.

Kirk: Controversial Admiral Saves the World (Again)

Cyborg: Man or Machine? STAR Labs Says BOTH!

Howard: Stark Aviation Now Stark Industries

CharlieQuestion: Who Is That Faceless Man?

Gibbs: "Scourge of the Seas" Sparrow's First Mate Escapes London Jail

[inlovewithwords]

"Knox is in no way excused."

[gotham_knocking]

Fine...

"Reporter Wins Pulitzer!"

There, happy?

[aeons_crackshot]

Annabelle has probably had a lot of headlines, considering her time in the hero business.

Crackshot Cracks Down On Cackling Criminal!


Kreyu's would probably be in a tabloid. Dragons Are REAL!!!!!! Photos Inside!!!

[bjornwilde]

Ben Grimm (one last time): Thing Destroys Water Main, Halts Traffic...Again

Jessica Drew: Spider-Woman, "I'm Not A Skrull!"

Val von Doom: Teen Heiress Returns, Claims Otherworldly Adventures

Thalia Grace: Twelve-Year-Old Girl Missing or for the Olympian press, Newest Hunter Leads Victory Over Titans

Quinlan Vos: Rogue Jedi Hunted, Wanted For Murder

Andrea: Decorated Knight Really Shapeshifter

Hank McCoy: Youthful Genius Really Mutant?

Anton and Brimstone are not cooperating as their canon requires them to be incognito.

[herr_bookman]

Common Boy Thinks He's A Protagonist

or, alternately:
Boy Can Teach But Not Do

[a1enzo]

Renegade Guardian Accidentally Copied!

That's if we're sticking to just canon, of course. Either way, it'd be his first.

[death_gone_mad]

Amascut gets several:
Crime Lord Kidnaps Prince, Demands Heart as Ransom
Plagues Sweep Sophanem After Botched Funeral Rite for Late High Priest Clenter
Foreigner Found Mostly Dead in Emergency Tunnels, Relations Between Menaphos and Al-Kharid Continue to Sour
Local Businesswoman Rescued from Bottom of Well
Werewolf Town Burned to the Ground By Little Red Riding Hood

Fairy Fixit: Revealed: Engineer's "Mistakes" Helped Hide Counter-Revolutionaries, Thinned Mafia-Led Government's Military Ranks

Evil Chicken: Did This Fowl Foul Up Easter Forever?

[inlovewithwords]

Eriond: God of Angarak Announces New Doctrine with subheader Temples Mysteriously Altered Throughout Empire.

Henry: Kidnapped! with sub-header Leading family leaves in pursuit, just to pick one of many, many options.

Tavi: makes a life out of being the headline. So yeah. The first one coming to mind is Vord War Over!

Lois Lane: ahahahahahahahahaha

[jjprobert]

Jack and Max: Egyptian Government denies rumours of battle atop Pyramids Well, that would be the first book.

Erik: What really happened at Greenwich?

Bean Daring young genius' save planet. I'm sure there are better ones than that, but that's my first thought.

Alfred: Batman Saviour or Menace? (yes, I am cheating by using a canonical headline, so what)

[lady_bols]

2008: Police officer, 39, shot and killed. In other news, are 80's fashions making a comeback?