DE: It's a box...

[bjornwilde]

 Quoth the leeshajoy :
Without any prompting, Bar gives your pup a box of condoms. How does your pup react?

Comments

[merryeccentricities]

Joly- With curiosity and some professional relief, really. Condoms weren't unknown in 1832, but they were complicated messy affairs (with ribbon and bits of string, and sometimes paint, and oh gad)that only sort of worked. He doesn't personally have any immediate need for them, but it'll be a lot easier recommending them to people who need them when they've become so unobtrusive.


Bahorel- With great amusement. Bar, you voyeur and/or matchmaker, you. He doesn't have any immediate personal need for them either, but he will find one! Including possibly, but not exclusively, water balloons.

[tire_moi_mes_bottes]

oh good(?) we're on the same wavelength

[heatherandsteel]

Ooh, you're Bahorel, he's amazing and I loving the thread even if Quentin isn't.

[tire_moi_mes_bottes]

But where are the pink ribbons and the pretty pictures?

(on the other hand, not having to wash and dry the things has a certain undeniable appeal)

[electro_kinetic]

I...have this urge to have someone acquaint any of these guys with Tenga Eggs. Just for the lulz.

[camwyn]

Gordon stashes them away to take home, because he and Alyx currently have a pair of three year olds and were planning on holding off on more kids until this set was around five or so.

Shephard's gut reaction is to ask if Demeter is responsible.

Ellen turns some interesting colors, but then sighs and takes them back with her to the Wasteland. Not for her own use, but for the next time she's in Megaton or somewhere else where she happens to know some of the local prostitutes. They could probably use the protection; post-nuclear venereal diseases are not something you want to be living with for the rest of your days.

Santo very politely tells the Bar that she gave him someone else's order; please take it back, thank you. (I am not sure whether this is because most of the women he gets together with have already taken care of matters, or because he has his own supply. Either way the Catholic prohibition on artificial birth control is not yet an issue to the same degree, because the Humanae Vitae encyclical doesn't get issued until 1968 and the movies of his that I've used as canon so far take place up through 1967.)

Stacker Pentecost gives the Bar a very long raised-eyebrow look.

Medic probably just thanks the Bar and puts the price on his tab. There are worse things.

Edward Kenway's heard of such things, but the packaging will confuse him greatly, and he'll probably wind up tearing several of the condoms before getting any of them open enough to go "what the hell is this made of", since in his time they only came in membrane form.

And Varric is from a world where I refuse to believe the mages and herbalists haven't come up with all kinds of contraceptive and anti-disease potions, so I'm gonna run with my first mental image for his reaction, which is a bunch of ripped packages and ultimately a whole lot of water balloons.

[tire_moi_mes_bottes]

It looks like we have a lot of combatants for the impending water-balloon fight.

[i_am_your_host]

ORGY!

[1nv1nc1ble]

Well, naturally.

[electro_kinetic]

Something along the lines of 'it's hilarious how you think I know that many people who need these things'.

Ganymede just laughs, and takes them. Because why not.

[herr_bookman]

"Oh! Um, Bonnie already gave me some of these. With a song. Ahaha. And I haven't, um, used any as of yet, so I don't need anymore. Yet. But, er, thank you for, ah, thinking of me, even though, um, I haven't used any yet, and probably won't for a little while. Um."

[bjornwilde]

Selina's eyes widen and then she pokes the box until it is far away.

Tybalt opens the box and examines the contents but quickly loses interest as he has no idea what they are. Apparently condoms weren't unheard of in Renaissance London but being Fae, it seems to me Tybalt would turn to magic before human technology; assuming fae can even get STDs or would view a surprise pregnancy as unwanted.

Sam likely would crack a grin, pocket a few, and then leave the box out in case anyone else needed/wanted them.

Andrea of the near future (if I ever get to finishing her canon write-ups) would grab the whole box with a wicked grin.

[camwyn]

Sam is courteous that way!

[no_vampires_plz]

"...what exactly do you expect me to do with these?"

[camwyn]

So that's another one for the water balloons column.

[yakalskovich]

Teja: nope, don't need them, donate to infirmary supplies and/or the next party of Pyrrha's House in Philly.

Hannibal: leave them lying around and watch how people react.

Father Harman: asks Bar to take them back as he's conflicted between church teachings and actual applicable realism there.

Dorian: keep about half to take home, water balloons for the rest just for the lark of it.

Katrina: will ask Ichabod what they are.

Madame Thénardier: stash them to sell them once she returns to her world.

Lady Margolotta: balloon party at the Black Ribbon meeting!

[gredya]

Now that would probably be one of the best things Mme Thénardier ever did.

[annalalaith]

Tegid would probably have to ask someone what they are. He is from a time and place, where they probably don't exist, or at least not in latex form anyway.

Naruto I suspect would blush, and then try to work them into a prank of some kind. He is like 12 you know.

If I still had Raziel he'd either not know what they are, or if and when he figured it out depending on if he has skin or not, laugh and just leave them.

Vala might take them or leave them.

Daniel would probably thank bar and leave them for someone else. He probably has his own stashed somewhere.

Pretty sure I don't have him anywhere at the moment, but Kai, doesn't need them, want them, or have the equipment.

And finally Death. He doesn't really care, and doesn't need them, as he isn't going to be needing them any time ever.

[le_centre]

Gene - sighs, and takes them. He doesn't like them, but sees the point of them (70s version obvs, not 80s).

Javert - has little reaction, but might keep a couple these days. He knows what they're for, and that apparently they're a Thing for modern people, so why not?

Valjean - does not know what they are, probably. Not if they're in little foil packets anyway...though thinking about it, I doubt he'd have much opportunity to examine the 19th century version of them. He'd just say thank you, and leave them there. Or find someone to give them to, once they'd been explained.

Bruce Wayne - awesome, thanks!

Bruce Banner - looks rueful, and says thanks but no need. Though he probably takes some anyway just in case, but he has no intention of using them.

Courfeyrac - doesn't actually need them, being dead. But he'd take some anyway, because heyyyyyy girl. ;)

Robin - no clue what they are.

Pearly - AHAHAHAHA. Um. Well, he's definitely into women but the thought of what he might think of anything sexual just makes my head implode. So, I don't know.

[tire_moi_mes_bottes]

Ffff, Bossuet and Joly were just talking about Courfeyrac's sad lonely condition.

[student_of_impossibility]

Henry - just stares and goes 'nope.'

Eriond - ...would probably just leave them for other people? IDK, doesn't apply to him.

Lois - would probably give Bar a dirty look and make acidic commentary about how she didn't need the current state of her sex life rubbed in. ...But probably tell Bar to just hold onto that in case that changes. Practicality and all.

Tavi - would probably need a few moments to understand what they are, then give Bar a long look because please stop making commentary on some of his recent mistakes, and then regretfully add that he probably shouldn't take them back home for people to use because the material is not something that exists and cross-cultural contamination and all. (He doesn't need them anymore, due to him and Kitai actually having the means to prevent pregnancy now.)

[death_gone_mad]

Given previous Millicanon, Amascut would try eating a few of them and then toss the rest of them into the fireplace. Heehee, who came up with the edible condom plot?

Fireplace is such a weird, primitive-sounding word that I was doubting that I used it right. Its a place for fire.

anyhow...

Fairy Fixit would complain they are the wrong size.

And shape.

[mindofathief]

I'm not sure if condoms still exist in post-apocalyptic Nowhere Islands, if is they did, Duster would carefully...leave...that box. Right where it appeared. He has no use for it, and he's not stealing something that someone else might need.

[gredya]

Well, since I'm logged in as her: Gredya does not know what condoms are and she does not care.

She is, however, deeply offended and suspicious that the bar is giving her things unasked-for.

[runningred]

Jay and Minx would both pocket them gladly. David would accept the gift and tuck them away for some later need.

Olivier would spend some time studying them to understand their use, somewhat confused.

Diaval's in for the water balloon fight.

[lt_blade]

hahah...imagine Sonya trying to explain contraceptives to Olivier. Face-palming ensues.

[halfemptyglasses]

Mirai would roll her eyes and leave the box where it is, thinking it some unpleasant prank.

Lucas... I'm not sure Lucas knows what they are? But once told, he wouldn't be all that embarrassed. (He did take care of animals, after all. He's seen what they get up to.) I can't see him having a use for them, and he would probably leave them as well.

Lohengrin would be the most scandalized of the four and try to hide them away somewhere. How could anyone even imply that he'd need those when he still misses Elsa? Foolish.

Mia would take the box, pocketing some for herself and keeping the others for sex ed purposes at the Magic Guild.

[1nv1nc1ble]

Mark would blush, but pocket them. He does have a girlfriend, and it's a thing that's been on his mind (being a teenage boy and all that entails).

[last_kallig]

....and now I am pondering whether condoms exist in the Star Wars universe.

I'm wondering whether their STD/pregnancy prevention options aren't a lot more high tech and less intrusive than that. Hard to say.

[chanter1944]

Sariel: (assuming the box is filled with what tends to be the bog-standard idea of condom' i.e. the male version) You know I'm homosexual, don't you?

That box either gets left, with a puzzled look over why in the world it was given to her anyway, or donated to infirmary supplies.

[hey35andholding]

Clem: Would pocket them for later.

Dixie: Would pocket them for later.

Juliet: Would try to throw them in the lost and found box or hide them before Shawn and Gus turned them into hilarious hats.

Pinkie: Would make neat water balloons.

Eponine: Would be bemused. Probably hide them until she could trade them for something else.

[genarti]

Thor would laugh, and probably say that he's not currently in need but it's good to know that Bar is well stocked. Zero embarrassment whatsoever. He would totally be up for the water balloon fight if it happened, though.

Enjolras would (slightly stiffly) ignore it entirely. Yes, he knows what they are -- well, if they're clearly labeled; he has no reason to know what little foil packets are -- and he has no interest in using or discussing them, thanks. (He's willing to discuss more abstract matters about ensuring that poor women and prostitutes can limit the family size and prevent disease, but he would rather leave the actual mechanics of the disease-and-pregnancy-prevention to other people.)

Cosette... does not know what they are. (I hope this is a relevant fact she learns by the time she's actually married. Um.) She would be confused! If she learned, she would go bright red. Right now, she would say something like, "I don't -- no, thank you, no, you can take them back, please, Mme. Bar." If it were later when she was officially married, her reaction once she learned what these little foil packets were would still be to go bright red, but then to lean down and whisper very quietly that if Bar could package some up in something much more discreet she would appreciate it, thank you very much.

And now I'm having mental images of Cosette Pontmercy, Birth Control Advocate Before Her Time, and it's kind of great.

Clare would have no idea what they were. If she learned, she would still have no interest. (Sex is not a thing she's into, and population pressure... isn't too much of a thing where she's from, because of low medical knowledge and lots of people-eating monsters.) Sadly, she also has no idea what the appeal of water balloon fights with humans is -- she could more easily wrap her head around doing it with other Claymores -- so basically she would just ignore it and walk away.

Trowa would look at it, look back at Bar, and say something dry like "I'm all set, thanks."

The only situation in which he'd take the box would be if there was an indication that it was left specifically for him. In which case, uh, he would take it upstairs and start looking for whatever secret message was hidden in this. (He wouldn't figure it was a prank. While he does have prank-inclined friends -- okay, mostly Duo -- it's not their style.)

River would laugh and take some. Why not? She might take the box back to Serenity for general use, because again, why not? (Unless it's outdated technology by her time, of course, but I think we've mentioned condoms in Milliways.)