(no subject)

[bjornwilde]

I got nothing this morning, so mining from the Suggestion Box, I now have this topic from girlofclay :

OH NO! Your pup has been kidnapped!

Fortunately they are released exactly 30 minutes later because they wouldn't stop talking about... what?

Comments

[ostro_goth]

Teja: not talking, but singing a sad ballad that lasts longer than 30 minutes
Hannibal Lecter: the use of art in cooking
Fr. Harman: why all vampires must be eradicated
Galen Erso: arcane Force-adjacent physics
Ragnar Lothbrok: his kids
Lady Margolotta: vampire reform
Wen Ning: the amazingness of both his sister and Wei Wuxian
Jin Guangyao: the watchtowers
Tang Fan: restaurants in Beijing around the year 1500, compared to Sui Zhou's home cooking
Ye Baiyi: how completely stupid his kidnappers are, and which absolutely embarrassing rookie mistakes they must avoid at their next attempt

[raptorcanaria]

Dinah: All the take out places in the greater Gotham area and ranking them by cuisine.

Dick: He just explained how he undid those knots this time for like - the 30th time.

Obi-Wan - he's been flirting with them and they have a bad feeling about this.

Fives - his brothers

Simba - how great a king he's going to be.

Gamora - she's been sitting there quietly for 30 minutes and it's freaking them out.

[thesecondjade]

Zenigata: Lupin. This has somehow not happened in canon, but it would fit right in.

Zuko: Being vaguely relieved he's going to have a short vacation with his kidnappers because you picked the wrong fucking king to kidnap.

Lan Zhan: .........look he just looked at them very intently, knowing he could full well break out and they eventually let him go out of pure shame

Vex: Himself. Also, flirting constantly and asking if things are going to get kinky, and if not, can he suggest that they do?

[alongfallfromgrace]

Wei Wuxian: Lan Zhan. Which, given Lan Zhan's reputation in the rest of the cultivation world, makes the kidnappers think that maybe they made a bit of a mistake. Oopsie. Don't tell Hanguang-Jun, please?

Cecil: Um, the kidnappers aren't talking about it. They are mostly running for their lives now. Cecil has no idea why. He was just telling them about today's news, no biggie. Weeeeird.

Jon: He just read them one of the statements he was working on. He's not quite sure where they went. No loss, they weren't very helpful.

Klaus: There wasn't really a set topic, he just kept talking, a rambling rant that broadened the kidnappers' knowledge of many things, most of them having to do with sex or drugs (or both). They let him go to get some peace, because holy hell they did not need to know any of those things, but now they do, and it's horrible.

Chief Gwi: He wouldn't stop bitching about all of the hard work he has to do for that pop-up bar. Do you know how many onions they go through? They do, now.

[vexingmesmer]

I SEE GWI IN THAT LIST THERE

i knew you'd love pop up bar

[alongfallfromgrace]

HE WON'T MOVE OUT, SEND HELP.

[from_the_outside]

Neither Sharon nor Zinda would need to annoy their kidnappers into letting them go because both hang around very scary people (Bucky, Oracle, Canary, Huntress) who will arrive within fifteen minutes to yeet the poor hapless kidnappers out of existence.

[bjornwilde]

Ahsoka Tano: Talking about all the times Anakin visited destruction, switches to all the times Obi-wan talked his way out of things, and then all the times the two fought.

Sabine Wren: Talks about all her ancestors, their exploits, and the Clan/House hierarchy of Mandalore.

Jessica Drew: Complains about all the things Clint Barton did.

Viv Vision: Shares all the memes.

Ben Hargreeves: Is plugging his ears while Klaus is talking.

Tybalt: Goes into excruciating detail on all the fights and challenges he's fought as King against those who thought they could claim his place.

Alustin: Grain production and shipping in the most minute detail.

Wen Qing: All the various pressure points and the results of what happens when they are triggered.

[skyhigh_seance]

Love you too, brother mine. MWAH.

[amiable_horror]

......

(Season 02 Ben would fling things about the room at the appropriate times.)

[star_bespangled]

Gaster: The stuff he saw in the void - those kidnappers are gonna have nightmares.

Urania: Black holes and theoretical physics. The kidnappers end up falling asleep.

Phoenix: His daughter, and how wonderful and adorable and talented she is.

Snufkin: He just played his harmonica very loudly until the kidnappers let him go.

Lup: About all the ways she's gonna kick their asses. Which she then does.

[canttrickmeanymore]

Peter: EVERYTHING. He will talk FOR HOURS. And HOURS. There is so much random shit in his head. It wouldn't take 30 mins. They'd ditch him 10 mins in.

Harry: he's not talking about anything; he's just sitting in the backseat smiling his fool head off b/c that's WAY creepier

[sunbaked_baker]

Food. Delicious food. Tantalizing food. Food with visceral descriptions that make one so hungry one's mouth waters and one's stomach aches with it. Caramel cataclysms that will have you dreaming about them hours later; chocolate decadences that overwhelms the senses and make you weak at the knees; strange confections with alluring names like Buttermost Limit and Glutton's Grail; soft, giant cinnamon rolls fresh from the ovens and still steaming fragrantly with melty cinnamon-sugar while the freshly-made icing drizzles slowly across them, pooling in every crack and crevice....

They let her go, and deliver her to her bakery, and take seats out in the coffeehouse to wait patiently until a waiter comes by to take their orders.