"Naturally I pursued many subjects over the years in my quest to achieve the ultimate in an e-vil education. For a time I considered economics, but by then I had met Number Two and also realized it was incredibl-y bo-ring. I moved on to anthropology, but abandoned that the first time my teacher tried to measure my exceptionally evil skull. Yeah. That's a thing.

"My second year I fell in love with a Belgian elbow model named Bernice and had an existential crisis, so I decided to become a philosopher. I titled my term paper 'Good is Dumb' and left the other pages blank, but my genius was not recognized. A habitual problem, really."

Long pause.

"Ultimately I minored in dance. Yeah. I can really... bust an evil move?"

He cracks himself up.